Welcome to the
VOW
WRITING GUIDE
Modern wedding vows can be whatever you want!
Here's a few little pointers to hopefully ease those nerves and help you seriously wow with your vows.
No pressure from me to do vows but I’m here to help if you need.
It’s important to chat with each other first to set a few parameters around your vows, this way you’ll both be on the same page and instantly feeling more relaxed and ready to make a start.
Format
Are the vows going to be a surprise to each other, are they going to be the same word for word or are you going to write them together?
Are you thinking of doing a first look? You could share vows at this point also. They could be the same vows you will read at your ceremony.
You could potentially write two vows, one that is just for you and your partner and one for your guests. The private ones could be a bit more emotional, funnier or even naughty if that’s your thing.
Photo: @imjoshhuggett
Length
Whilst there’s no standard length for vow’s, it’s important to set a rough guide.
For example you could settle on between 200 - 300 words, 3 sentences, no shorter than 4 sentences and no longer than 8 sentences or it could be 1 – 2 pages or anywhere in between, whatever you both agree on will be the right length.
We’re not talking an exact amount but so you’re both in the ballpark.
Photo: @rexvil.photography
Tone
Once again set some loose parameters of the tone of your vows.
There is no wrong tone but think about the vibe of your wedding. What’s the vibe of your day? Let that vibe reflect the vibe of your vow’s but do what makes you feel comfortable. If you’re naturally more reserved people and your day is more reserved or formal than you can follow that, however if you’re party people with a party crowd ramp it up, if heartfelt is your thing, go for all those lovey lines or if your relationship is about banter then pop in a few little funny’s (but remember there could be Nanna listening).
Whatever your style, I suggest keeping it positive and on brand.
Photo: @ljamesphotography
Inclusions
What do you want to include and what would you prefer stayed private?
A broad conversation about what you both would love to share and a pointed conversation about anything you would not like to be shared.
Photo: @travisandbennyweddings
Brainstorming
This part can be a little messy, but you can refine this later on. I suggest you just get out whatever thoughts you’re having about your partner and what you would like to include in the vows, this could be in written form, on your phone, in a word document, full sentences, dot points or whatever feels most comfortable to you.
Don’t put the pressure on yourself to do this all-in-one go. These notes can be formed from your normal day to day activities and think about what makes you smile, take notes when you’re out for a walk or on the train to work, when you’re cooking together or even a text message your partner may have sent you. The great thing is inspiration can come from anywhere.
If you’re still coming up blank, here’s a few questions or statements to begin with (INCLUDED FOR CLIENTS ONLY)
Photo: @paulrowleyphotography
Vow drafting and refinement
This is the part that couples love the most.
Once you’ve had a crack at putting something together, email it through separately to me. You can provide any questions you have, parts you may doubt or anything you want help with.
I’ll have a look at them individually and then as a pair to ensure they flow nicely, they complement each other, their tone, length and feel is in the ballpark and provide feedback with some minor adjustments where required. I’m here to pump you up and not mark it like a schoolteacher. I want you to feel confident and proud when you share your vows!
Photo: @rexvil.photography
Your wedding day
Your vows printed and order of vows.
On the day you just need to turn up, I’ll have them printed in a big font on A5 card/s with your legal vows at the top.
What’s the order?
If one of the parties is particularly an emotional person, then it could be preferable for them to go first.
However, if you want to have some fun, we can engage with your guests to suggest who goes first, if pets or children are present they can help to decide or a little old game of rock paper scissors or the shot game or more than open to suggestions to mix it up a little!
I’m happy to discuss this more.
Photo: @wilsonandlewis
Go time!
Just prior to vows I’ll shimmy in to speak with you both off mic, check those nerves and ensure your ready to share.
You then tell me if you’re happy to hold the vows and I’ll sneak off to the side otherwise I can pop beside you and hold the mic.
You don’t have to tell me this prior to the ceremony but it’s worth thinking about, of course nerves etc change so we’ll work it out on the day.
You don’t both have to do the same thing. One can hold the vows/ mic themselves and the other partner may want me by your side. YOUR CHOICE!
Photo: @richard_dibben_photography
Optional vow ideas
If after all this, the vows are still freaking you out and not looking forward to your wedding experience then you’ve always got options:
You could share your vows with each other at a first look
Read the same vows at a first look and your ceremony
Read the legal vows only at the ceremony
Share your vows in private during golden hour
Reading them out to each other quietly during the ceremony and not using the microphone so that only you two are present and hear those vows
Write them in a letter and seal them away and bring them out during the honeymoon, 1 month later, 6 months later or 1 year later or you choose the right moment.
I’m here to make your ceremony as comfortable and enjoyable as possible for you, if you have any questions, I’m here to help!
Photo: @lovewildweddings_
The vow writing guide + more.
I hope you’ve picked up a few ideas or these have created a few conversation starters with your partner.
Extra brainstorming ideas, flow suggestions, examples and inclusions are included in the full guide.
My role as your celebrant is to guide you through your vows and help you to love them. It’s natural to feel nervous, the process of writing your thoughts then using a microphone to read them in front of people is not natural. But with my help I hope to make you love sharing your vows with the one you love.
Photo: @blushweddingphotography